


please, take me out of my head

by catboyjunnie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Body Image, Dom/sub, Dominant Choi Soobin, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overthinking, Self-Esteem Issues, Soobin takes care of Yeonjun at the end, Spanking, Submissive Choi Yeonjun, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, this is purely a vent fic sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboyjunnie/pseuds/catboyjunnie
Summary: Yeonjun catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he removes his makeup, face gaunt and dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t sleep well last night—too nervous about the performance—and it shows. He turns away from his reflection, disgusted by himself. He only hopes the makeup and the bright stage lights conceal his exhaustion from the cameras. An ugly, anxious feeling courses through his body, making him feel skittish and restless, and he knows exactly what he needs.He finds Soobin already changed, wrapping up some final business with their manager. “Thanks for your hard work, everyone!” Soobin bows to the music show staff, gracious as always.“Soobin,” Yeonjun says quietly from behind him, “black.”---Yeonjun can't stop overthinking and criticizing himself. He needs Soobin to take him out of his own head for a little while.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 112





	please, take me out of my head

Yeonjun can’t get out of his own head—he’s nearly dizzy from the critical thoughts cycling through his mind as he watches himself make the same mistake over and over on the monitor. It’s a small thing, a nearly imperceptible misstep that caused him to fall out of sync with the other members for a second at most. The camera director hadn’t even noticed it, calling for the end of their pre-recording session and releasing them for the day. But Yeonjun sees it. And the idea of his mistake being immortalized on screen for their fans to play over and over again makes him feel physically sick. He has to forcefully tear himself away from the monitor, stumbling away and going to get changed.

Yeonjun catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he removes his makeup, face gaunt and dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t sleep well last night—too nervous about the performance—and it shows. He turns away from his reflection, disgusted by himself. He only hopes the makeup and the bright stage lights conceal his exhaustion from the cameras. An ugly, anxious feeling courses through his body, making him feel skittish and restless, and he knows exactly what he needs.

He finds Soobin already changed, wrapping up some final business with their manager. “Thanks for your hard work, everyone!” Soobin bows to the music show staff, gracious as always.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun says quietly from behind him, “ _black._ ”

The younger boy stills, turning toward Yeonjun and assessing him with serious eyes. The couple had adapted the typical “green/yellow/red” codeword system to identify certain needs in their daily life, and black is one of them. Black means that Yeonjun needs Soobin to take him out of his head, needs his dom to make it so he can't even think these terrible thoughts anymore.

“Yeonjun,” Soobin says, and the older boy swallows at the way he drops the honorific. “When was the last time you ate?”

Yeonjun pauses, uncertain. He had skipped breakfast this morning, knowing that he would be wearing a crop top during their performance today and wanting to look as slim as possible. It was now late afternoon.

Soobin takes his silence as an answer and reaches into his bag, digging out a protein bar and shoving it into Yeonjun’s hands. “Eat this,” he commands, watching as Yeonjun slowly peels back the wrapper and begins to eat. The moment he starts to chew, Yeonjun suddenly realizes how ravenous he actually is and nearly inhales the rest of the protein bar. Once he has some food in his stomach, Yeonjun begins to feel a little better. But it’s nowhere near enough.

“How bad?” Soobin asks.

“Really bad,” Yeonjun admits. “I want it to hurt.”

Soobin releases a long exhale. He reaches out, taking Yeonjun’s hand in his, and Yeonjun hadn’t even noticed that his nails were digging into his palms so hard he’d broken the skin. The pain helps ground him, these small punishments he gives himself.

“Can you wait until we make it back home? We can’t do anything here.” Soobin runs his thumb across the indents in Yeonjun’s palm, examining the small wounds. Yeonjun nods.

Soobin grips his chin, forcing Yeonjun to look into the younger boy’s eyes. “You don’t need to think about anything else,” Soobin says lowly. “You just need to focus on me.”

“Okay.” Yeonjun releases a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. This is what he needed, someone to take control from him and give him something else to focus on aside from his own racing thoughts.

The trip home feels like a blur, but Soobin keeps one hand firmly on the back on Yeonjun’s neck which helps ground him. He vaguely hears Soobin asking Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai if they can clear out of the dorm for a few hours, and then they’re finally alone.

“Sit.” Soobin points toward one of the stools at the kitchen counter, and Yeonjun obediently takes a seat. The younger boy goes to the cabinet, pulling out a cup of instant ramen and beginning to heat it up in the microwave. “Tell me what happened.”

“I made a stupid mistake,” Yeonjun says miserably. That one moment keeps replaying in his mind over and over. “I know it’s nothing, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to punish myself for it.”

Soobin nods in acknowledgement as he places the finished ramen in front of Yeonjun. “Eat,” he says. Yeonjun begins to eat, hastily slurping up the ramen now that he’s realized how hungry he is but even more importantly, to please Soobin. He finishes off the ramen in less than five minutes, setting down his chopsticks and looking back up at Soobin for his next instructions.

“Do you want more?” Soobin asks, and Yeonjun shakes his head.

“Please,” he whispers, getting desperate. Soobin knows him well enough now to understand what he needs.

“Go to your room. Get undressed and wait for me there,” Soobin orders. Yeonjun scrambles off the stool, nearly tripping in his haste to obey.

He rushes to his room, stripping off his clothes and throwing them haphazardly to the ground before thinking better of it. Soobin always likes it when he takes the time to fold them. With trembling hands, Yeonjun neatly folds his clothes and places them on his dresser before kneeling down on the ground, waiting for Soobin to arrive.

“Kitten,” Soobin says when he enters the room, signaling that the scene is about to start. Yeonjun nearly weeps in relief. “You’ve been very naughty today. You seem to think that you can punish yourself, but that’s not your responsibility. Who gets to decide that?”

“ _You,_ Soobin,” Yeonjun replies, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, baby,” Soobin says, his voice sympathetic. “You’re not a bad kitten, you just made a little mistake today. But that’s something that we can fix.”

“Tell me how,” Yeonjun begs. “I want to be good.”

“Kitten needs to remember who’s in control.” Soobin pulls out a collar connected to a pair of leather handcuffs, and Yeonjun trembles in anticipation. “Hands behind your back.”

As Soobin kneels down to fasten the collar around Yeonjun’s neck, he looks into the older boy’s eyes. “Color?”

“Green,” Yeonjun keens, “I want it.”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll take care of you,” Soobin replies softly before slipping back into his role as a dom. He circles around Yeonjun, clasping the handcuffs around the older boy’s hands. “How does it feel?”

Yeonjun tests the restraints and gasps when he finds he’s nearly immobile, completely at the mercy of his dom. “Good.”

Soobin takes a moment to run his hands up the front of Yeonjun’s body, trailing over the soft skin of Yeonjun’s stomach and circling his nipples before pulling away. Yeonjun whimpers, craning his neck to look at the younger boy sitting behind him. Soobin meets his eyes, smiling a little meanly.

“Your punishment hasn’t even started, kitten,” he says. “I’m going to spank you fifteen times. Five because you think you can decide your own punishment, five because you didn’t take care of yourself today, and five because you hurt yourself earlier. Can you do that for me?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Yeonjun breathes, already fantasizing about the stinging pain of Soobin’s palm against his skin.

Soobin roughly pulls him up off the ground, manhandling Yeonjun so that he’s lying facedown on Soobin’s lap. The younger boy takes a moment to gently stroke Yeonjun’s backside, and Yeonjun arches back into his touch.

“I want you to count for me, baby,” Soobin says, his only warning before his hand comes down on Yeonjun’s skin, leaving the older boy gasping.

“One,” Yeonjun pants out, focused on how good the tingling pain feels. “Harder, _please_.”

Soobin spanks him again, three times in quick succession, and Yeonjun jerks even as he continues counting out loud. After the seventh hit, Soobin gives him a moment to breathe, stroking Yeonjun’s heated flesh.

“Such a good boy. You’re taking your punishment so well,” Soobin croons, and Yeonjun can only moan from where his face is buried in Soobin’s thigh. “We’re halfway there, kitten. Color?”

“Green,” Yeonjun responds, his tongue heavy from how sluggish his brain is. He’s deep in subspace, his mind blissfully empty except for the way Soobin’s hand feels against his skin.

“Focus, baby.” The tone of Soobin’s voice becomes a little harder, and Yeonjun shudders. “I need you to keep counting for me, okay?”

“Yes, Soobin,” Yeonjun slurs out. Soobin spanks him again, making him cry out. “Eight!”

Around the twelfth blow, Yeonjun suddenly bursts into tears, beginning to cry uncontrollably. As he tries to catch his breath, he hears Soobin speaking to him through the fog in his mind.

“ _Yeonjun,_ ” Soobin says, “do you need to stop?”

“No, no! I can do it!” Yeonjun manages to get out between sobbing gasps. “Please, let me do it.”

“Okay, kitten.” Soobin slides his free hand into Yeonjun’s clasped hands, giving the older boy something to tightly grip onto. “You’re almost there.”

Soobin deals out the final three blows, quickly and lightly since he knows Yeonjun is reaching his limit. On the fifteenth hit, Yeonjun feels the ugly knot in his chest finally unravel, the anxious feeling dissipating now that he’s completed his punishment. He goes limp in Soobin’s lap, sobbing in relief. He’s completely out of his mind, but he vaguely registers Soobin whispering praises to him as the younger boy strokes his hair and unclasps his restraints.

“You were so, so good. You did so well, kitten,” he hears Soobin say, and his entire body flushes with pleasure from the praise. “I need to know your color, baby.”

It takes Yeonjun a moment to collect himself, but he finally manages to stutter out, “G-green.”

Soobin pulls Yeonjun up to sit in his lap, and the older boy leans heavily against Soobin’s chest, eyes closed as he tries to catch his breath. The younger boy runs his hands up and down Yeonjun’s trembling body, knowing that the skin-to-skin contact helps ground him when he’s feeling overwhelmed. When Yeonjun finally comes down from the adrenaline rush, Soobin tilts his head up and captures his lips in a sweet kiss. Yeonjun wraps his arms around Soobin’s neck in response, feeling needy and wanting to be as close as possible to his dom.

“I was good?” Yeonjun asks vulnerably, his eyes big and wet.

“You’ve been such a good boy.” Soobin smiles when he pulls away. “Can I give you a reward now?”

Yeonjun nods and releases a moan when Soobin’s hand snakes between their bodies, wrapping around Yeonjun’s cock. He hadn’t even realized he was hard, too intent on trying to make it through the punishment, but now that he’s aware of how aroused he is, Yeonjun feels sensitive and overwhelmed. It only takes a few strokes of Soobin’s hand before Yeonjun is coming, his toes curling and his eyes rolling back into his head as he blacks out.

He wakes up a couple hours later, curled up against Soobin’s chest. The younger boy must have cleaned him up after Yeonjun passed out—he’s dressed in one of Soobin’s oversized T-shirts, the air blissfully cool from where Soobin had rubbed aloe on his sore backside. Soobin is wearing headphones and playing a game on his phone above Yeonjun’s head, but when he feels the older boy stir, he pauses the game and removes his headphones.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Soobin asks, gently stroking Yeonjun’s cheek. The older boy leans his head into Soobin’s palm, rubbing his face against it like a cat. “You must have been exhausted. You slept for over two hours.”

“Better,” Yeonjun admits, “now that I’ve had food and sleep.”

Soobin frowns. “I was worried. You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I know, I’m working on it.” Yeonjun leans up, kissing away Soobin’s pout. “But thank you for taking care of me when I can’t.”

“The kids are back. They brought chicken if you’re feeling up to it.”

Yeonjun thinks for a moment. “I am, but I don’t want to get out of bed.” He looks up at Soobin with puppy eyes. “Will you bring me back some?”

Soobin rolls his eyes, even as he moves to get out of bed. “You are so spoiled.”

“But I deserve it, right?”

“Of course,” Soobin smiles. “You deserve the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is a little darker than my usual stuff. I've been struggling a bit recently and wrote this to cope. I hope the ending makes up for it.


End file.
